I was something in the 60s but now I'm just sixty something.

Life in the Time of Corona

on April 21, 2020

Not quiche.

I decided to take a day off from doing nothing. But what should I do instead? I have a really cool coloring book that allows you to vent and self soothe at the same time. But I am fresh out of crayons. I sewed up a couple of bandana masks but my sewing machine is running like an old jalopy. Cooking has ceased to be a healthy activity. When I found myself eating cheesecake for breakfast I knew it was time to find a new hobby. (I wonder how many collective pounds we will put on while we are all sheltering in the kitchen?) So, rather than eating or indulging in day drinking I decided to check in through my blog since I have been ignoring it (and my readers) for quite some time. It was easy to neglect as it never exactly went viral like Covid. (Maybe I should have coughed on it before posting.)  But alas, as I am turning 70 this month my blog site will have reached the end of its shelf life. Just like all those hoarded dried beans. Having lost beans in the black hole in my pantry over the years I can attest to the fact that they do eventually petrify. So there all you greedy fuckwits! Hope you break your last tooth.

My coloring book

We are all talking about how it’s crazy “out there” but I think what we really mean is that it’s crazy “in here”. I say that because we are mostly talking to ourselves. Even those of us who live with someone have stopped listening because there is nothing new to talk about. We just keep saying the same old shit over and over. Then we just kind of nod and smile/grimace at each other while inside we are screaming STFU. I have found “forgetting” to put in my hearing aids to be helpful.

My doorbell rang the other morning and I got pretty excited hoping it was UPS with some toilet paper. I rushed to the door in case I could get a glimpse of a human face that I wasn’t married to. Maybe even get a chance to wave. But it was so much better than that! It was three of my neighbors checking in with people and delivering local strawberries. I was so excited to see some women friends! I admit to vomiting words all over them. I hope I didn’t destroy the friendship. Until then I hadn’t realized just how much I was missing these casual encounters. And how much energy I derive from them. My inspiration has always been prompted by everyday conversations and observations which can trigger all kinds of ideas. I have found that nothing sucks out my creativity more than a quarantine. It is one thing to choose to move out to the pond. It’s another to be stuck out there for reasons beyond your control. With your husband.

Like most of us, I have been settling into a slower pace. It can be quite nice but I am getting concerned that I will never get back to actually putting in a full day. How will I find the time to get dressed? Or wash my hair?  But I am so ready to get out of the fucking house. I have changed my furniture around in every possible configuration. But I’m still in my house. I also worry my social skills are rapidly deteriorating. Will I ever again be able to move toward people instead of backing away? I will be watching Netflix or reading a book and characters will walk into a crowded bar or embrace a friend and my brain will scream “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”

I am also becoming consumed with anxiety. I wash my hands with soap for 20 seconds. But then I realize the soap bottle is dirty because I touched it to get out the soap. So now I need to wash the soap bottle. And don’t get me started on how to handle the infected groceries! These kinds of germ cycles are maddening. There is no end!

I try to get fresh air and exercise. I was out on a beautiful hike the other day and rounded a bend smack into an enormous cow. What was this fucking cow doing out hiking alone? Was she social distancing too? Was she in cow quarantine? It scared the shit out of me! I was so afraid of this beast that I missed a great photo opportunity. It was just a cow for crying out loud. What the hell is happening to me? I am inside so much now I can barely handle outside.

Missed photo op.

So, I’m fine. How about you?


14 responses to “Life in the Time of Corona

  1. Rowena Sarto says:

    Love this! I want more! I’m fine too, except for my anxiety and the inability to hug people outside my household!

  2. RICHARD COLE says:

    Philis — You ARE funny and pleasant and missed your calling as sitcom writer in Hollywood! So, Happy Birthday tomorrow as Marti Dirks and I prepare for our Thursday respective milestones, none of which I even knew back in the day. Stay as healthy as you seem! Dick Cole

    Sent from my iPhone


    • Wow! Thanks for the great review. Yes, this is it for us. 20s in the 70s. 70s in the 20s.

      • DrivewayKaye says:

        That’s your new handle!20sin70s/70sin20s—love it!
        Hey Happy Birthday! It’s your bourbon driveway friend!! Miss you! Just think we could distance that same way! One to a cart!
        A sense of humor under roof! Exactly what we all need. John’s lucky! He’s telling you often?
        Well you got my feelings down perfectly! Thank you for making me laugh about them!

      • Here’s to you a Kaye! 🥃 Miss you too! Hope you are keeping up with your writing.

  3. Scott Miner says:

    I love it ( and you).i was going to say “I lamost choked” when I saw your coloring book, and then a minute later actually started choking on a piece of dry toast. i looked at the dog for help, maybe she could do CPR, but she just lifted her head from the couch as if to say, “hey, keep it down”

    Don’t stop this blog. I’m sure I speak for many of your readers when I say, we don’t care if you’re not in your 60s anymore. neither are most of us, and probably too senile to notice. I’ll be glad when this shit has passed. Unlike many of the Live Free Or Die wingnuts, I can wait to avoid a second wave. I don’t think we’re going to be completely safe until there’s a vaccine of some sort.

    Hang in there kiddo. We need you!

  4. Janice Mathis says:

    Loved your post..I needed a chuckle picturing the look on the cows face…
    Here in Tennessee…at our house. I have just become vividly aware how our division of labor around our house is drastically leaning on my did that happen……I make the bed, clean the bathrooms, vacuum, dust and all the rest. I have also been the CFO of our little operation… geezz. Can’t wait till the water gets a little warmer,so I can get in my kayak and paddle away social distancing away from my drafted partnership duties. Love to you both…keep on blogging..I hear 70 is the new 60s..

    • sixtiestosixties says:

      It will be so nice to get out on the water. And give you a little bit of solitude which we all need just as much as the hugs we are missing from people we love.

  5. Chris Marshall says:

    Chuckled again just now as I did t he first time I read it! Please keep writing! I need those laughs more than ever! Getting tired of talking to myself and missing the hugs!

  6. Pat Coates says:

    Somehow, I got distracted and didn’t finish reading your latest posting until today. You are a funny lady and I have enjoyed reading all of sixtiestosixties since you sent me the first one. I finally picked up the paintbrushes again and have almost covered all the canvases with something….nothing I’m proud to show, yet. BTW, otherwise, I am SO BORED! Just keep going to the kitchen.

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