Chinese New Year a la Vegas
We decided, rather spur of the moment, since it got really cold in Colorado and because we couldn’t be assured that Elton John and the two of us would all three make it to his Denver stop on the Farewell Yellow Brick Road tour, that we should just head to Vegas for the weekend, catch Elton while he is still playing Caesar’s, and warm up a bit while we were there. I know that was a really long, pressurized sentence but Vegas has a way of bringing out the mania in all of us.
I’m not sure what goes faster in Vegas. Time or money? And I can’t believe how tired we were when we got back even though nothing happened while we were there that needed to stay there. We didn’t drink that much, eat that much, stay up in the wee hours gambling away our life savings or have marathon sex like most of the people in town. We have kind of passed our expiration date for such excesses but we still had a lot of fun in our comparatively minimalist kind of way.
Vegas never fails to assault stimulate your senses. Elton was truly wonderful. But what really offered up entertainment were the weirdos on Fremont Street and the toilet bidet in our hotel bathroom. Americans aren’t accustomed to bidets so we tend to view them as toys. If you ever have an opportunity to play with one don’t be intimidated. But I would suggest having a reasonable amount of privacy until you get the hang of it. It is not as easy as it looks. Like most things, one size doesn’t really fit all. You kind of have to wiggle around a bit and if you move too much the water will squirt all the way up your back. Not to worry though as long as you have something to dry off with. At least it’s warm, clean water from the tap unlike the water in public toilets where the electric eye doesn’t always function correctly. They have a tendency to signal a flushing at the wrong time and spray who knows what all over you before you are finished. And bidets do have their limits. For example, they would be useless in Washington because they are just not big or powerful enough to do a proper job on our elected representatives. I would explain this further but I think you know what I mean.
Bidet controls. Toilet comes with a phone too so everyone knows what you are doing.
Fremont, on the other hand, has things you would probably not want to play around with or even approach. It is kind of the side show of the whole Vegas circus. Words do not do these sights justice. Some are so gross I was afraid to take a picture lest my camera explode. The dress code on Fremont is “pasties casual” (not to be confused with the “pasty casual” look of old white men coming from the snow belt in their shorts and black socks). You won’t be arrested in Vegas as long as you have pasties on your nipples even if you are ancient and need to sew two potato sacks together for a bra and you are scaring the crap out of every young woman over an A cup about her future. I have never understood the logic nor the inequality of pasties anyway. This guy isn’t wearing any.
No pasties. No pasty.
Other hustlers can be kind of fun. Like you might dare to interact with this guy as long as you carry hand sanitizer just in case. I kind of get where he is coming from.
Same to you buddy!
On the other hand, there is not enough disinfectant in the world to get near this guy.
Chumley’s doppelgänger?
Vegas offers all kinds of decadence to go along with the good shows. It also offers cheap flights and nice weather which is sometimes reason enough to go even if Elton isn’t on your bucket list. Have you ever been to Vegas? How was your trip?
The amazing Sir Elton
sixtiestosixties 